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How to find your soul mate

IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DID, YOU WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT.
The first task before you go out looking for your ultimate mate is to identify your past patterns and relationships.
Has everyone you fell in love with started in a meeting in a bar? And has every such resulting relationship ended in disaster?
Then it is obvious the only person to look for in a bar is someone you'll fall madly in love with for at least 2 hours, and spend months if not years regretting it.
Change you hunting grounds.
The core thing to consider is a good relationship requires something in common beyond sex.
Thus, if you like to sail, look for your companion in a sailing club or at the dock.
If you like drama, join the local amateur theater company even if you have to be the ticket-taker. You'll meet a lot of people interests in drama.
If you really like to collect junk...then see who of the opposite sex is at the junk yard looking for goodies like you are. This one is very important if you are a junk accumulator as this really pisses off the other person in your relationship unless they have their own junk pile.
You get the idea...if you're religious go to church...sing in the choir.
The second problem is to identify your problems.
Before you embark on a quest to find your perfect mate, it is generally accepted as useful to be honest with yourself about your faults, quirks, etc.
If you have one or more failed relationships in the past, you know what your faults and problems are...you've been reminded of them many times by your former partner.
Now, it is also generally accept therapeutic analysis that whatever one says about someone else is also true about them. So what. That relationship is over.
However, it is not a bad idea to make a list of what things your former partner found annoying, irritating, or downright rage-inducing about you.
These may actually be true.
Now, there are some things on such a list if they turn up that you really need to address and correct. If you drink too much, hit other people, act abusively, are addicted to something... you need therapy right now!
But, there's a lot of stuff on the annoyance list which are just you. And you aren't likely to modify that annoying behavior just because you're in love (actually most people hide their annoying behavior during the first few weeks of infatuation then blow out and revert to their normal selves).
In initial encounters with members of the opposite sex, or same sex as the case may be, folks tend to focus on what they have in common and not on the other sides of them that are potential relationship problems.
Go to any internet dating site, and there's very little emphasis on dislikes and issues.
Most relationships start off focused on the positive connections, then the rest of the relationship is spent hassling over the non-positive elements until the point is reached where the couple tolerates (usually grudgingly) the negatives, or the negatives finally outweigh the positives and breakup occurs.
An incredible amount of time and energy is spent grappling with relational negativities.
The smart thing to do is get them out on the table early on in a blossoming relationship.
But, this starts with being honest with yourself about what has been problematic in your behavior in other relationships.
I think it is a good idea to exchange negativities very early on (though after the first night in bed) and see how that looks. Negotiate what is or is not going to be a deal-breaker right up front.
The third step is adopt the concept that Honesty is the Best Policy.
Now, this is a very radical concept in interpersonal relationships.
One's first thought is "if I answer the question with the truth, he/she is going to blow up and the relationship will end."
This is actually true in some cases. But better right now than a few years later because it is WORSE to lie.
The problem with not telling the truth is there is no way the other person is not going to find out your truth...especially in the internet age.
If you lie, and then get caught, you now have a double-whammy of a problem---the reaction to whatever the truth really was, and the reaction to being lied to.
The reaction to being lied to is the deal killer here.
Very few people I have ever known trust people who have been caught lying to them.
Unless you enjoy being lied to, then don't do it to someone else.
Take your medicine right up front. And, you might actually be surprised. The other person might now immediately throw you out of the moving car when the truth is revealed. They might actually trust and respect you even more.
And remember, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Accept the truth when you hear it. And don't be the one blowing up and rejecting the other person when truth is shared. If you do that, you create a very strong incentive for the other person to choose the lie the next time there is a choice...if there even is a next time.
Remember, by the time each of us reaches a certain age, we've each done a lot of stupid and foolish things we regret and would just as like to forget.
Trying to hide those truths evades the real issue--are you going to do that same stupid and foolish thing again?
Lying suggests you probably will.
The purpose of having done stupid and foolish things is to learn from them...learn the consequences so you don't repeat the past over and over and get what you always got.
The fourth task is to look at the criteria you are applying to select a person to relate to.
The first criteria is generally human and that is pretty non-negotiable. However, according to many studies, more and more singles are concluding dogs, cats, horses, reptiles, and other critters are better companions than humans.
This is not hard to understand, because just about any other living creature is more honest and affectionate than most people. And I know folks who have really neat conversations with their cats, dogs or horses.
However, assuming you goal is a relationship with another human, lots of other criteria pop up.
Political interests.
Food and entertainment preferences.
Body type.
Pierced or not pierced, tattooed or not tattooed.
Religious or not. Specific types of religious.
Scientists at the General Delivery University have been studying criteria and preferences in relationship formation for several weeks and have concluded there needs to be a weighting system applied.
How important is one preference over another. You might not really care if the partner is of a different religion if he/she is really good in the sack. Then again, a die-hard liberal is going to have serious issues with a right-wing Christian Republican conservative no matter how good the sex is.
So, after making your list of relational preferences, give them a ranking in terms of importance.
The next step in this process is to consider a concept found in relational therapy books. People sort of look for things in other people that are deficient in themselves.
For example, you are a person who wants to go traveling. But actually you don't. So you look for a partner who likes to travel.
At this point, it is a really good idea to take an over-night trip with the object of your interests and see if your relationship survives to the next morning.
The problem with deficiency surrogacy is that it never cures your deficiency unless you change yourself. You can't borrow the solution to your lack.
Thus, going back to your issues and problems, don't make solving those issues and problems criteria for someone else to fulfill in a relationship. Unless you are extremely rich and old, the other person is not likely to indulge in making up for your deficiencies and being servile to your defects.
The fifth task involves how many of your criteria do you want to match on?
In delving into this function, I came up with 74 specific criteria I would like to have in a relationship.
Mathematically, finding someone that fills all 74 of one's criteria is a ten to the minus 74th probability of happening. In context, 10 to the minus tenth probability is getting hit by a meteor. So you can see you've got a better chance to win a lottery than find your perfect match.
The issue is then how many of your criteria are you willing to give up to have a relationship?
Generally, if the goal of "relationship" is to get naked with the other person, most of your 37 criteria will be negotiable.
However, the more intimate and committed the relationship you seek, the more criteria need to be fulfilled.
A major problem today in relationships is people, recognizing they are not going to be able to concentrate every criteria they want in one other person, tend to divide them up and get good conversation from person A, criteria 2-3-4-6 from person B, and so on.
If this is where you are headed, the criteria of not being jealous is extremely important for all concerned for obvious reasons.
The more successful people I've encountered with really cool relationships, tended to work backwards from their 37 criteria, only giving up a few less priority goals to get the important ones.
If relating to your soul mate requires you giving up watching football every Sunday afternoon with the guys, you'd be really stupid to choose the NFL over a life partner.
The sixth dimension is the crazy test.
A lot of people venture out into the newly singles world looking for their soul mate, only to wake up the next morning with an escaped mental patient.
While it is probably good to develop a serious level of tolerance for minor annoyances, few can live happy with a wacko.
While the following may seem a little off-putting to do at a very early stage in a new relationship, if you've ended up with an escaped mental patient in your bed, this step is strongly advised.

Dating and Relationship Guide

What is dating?
The word "dating" Means; to investigate or to do a research on somebody, (by verbal communication,
by meeting and discussing the inner motives which motivates ones vision and purpose in life.
Through dating people are able to share opinions and point of views together with the person that one intends to marry.
Dating is to listen to someone's voice, opinions, heart desires, motives,
and dreams, for the sake of finding out if he or she is the soul that was created to be your spouse in marriage. Join and meet single girls waiting for guys of 25 and above from Us, Netherland etc Here
A person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement, an appointment in time which can lead someone's life into the discovery of his purpose in life or soul mate.
But on the other hand; dating can also become the occasion through which ones life is misled from the path of his purpose in life.
How do I avoid being misled through dating?
No body goes shopping with out knowing what he or she wants to buy, in simple terms this means; do not ever let your decisions be determined by the outer appearance of a woman's or man's beauty.
Dating is a process through which a person can be able to find out if a woman's or a man's desires, motives, purpose in life are in agreement with the vision, (God's will) which governs ones destiny.
You can avoid being misled through dating by putting your motives right before dating; first ask yourself what is the reason for my dating?
Am I dating because am looking for someone to flirt with, am i dating because am trying to find a one night stand or am I dating because of the sexual lust and sexual fantasies which are over whelming my mindset?
And if those are the reason why you are dating, then you are going to be misled.
But if your are dating to fulfill the will of God over your life, then the will of God will guide you into your decision of finding your soul mate (spouse in marriage).
Genesis 2:24 says: the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined wife, and they shall become one flesh (married or soul mate).

Why do people fall in love?

WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE
There are a number of reasons why people fall in love. Some people fall in love for the right reasons. Others do it out of lack of confidence. They do not want to be alone, which is not a good enough reason. Well look at the two grounds: the right reason and the wrong reason.
1. Right reasons
Here, people fall in love because they want to offer someone something good that they have. They want to be with someone not as to depend on him or her but to share their life with them. They have something good to offer and they want something good in return. They want to spend time with someone not because they are scared to be alone but because they enjoy the other person's company. They are not in the relationship with closed eyes but open eyes. They can see all; the good and bad happening, and they are ignoring the bad because they are scared to be alone, or because they feel embarrassed that its happening to them.
Being in love is about giving and receiving what is good. Please, underline the word good. Most people miss this point. A lot of people love the idea of being in love but not the actual fact. If many people understand the real reason of being in love and what being in love is, there would be less divorce, heartbreaks, suicides, violence and anything else that is related to bad breakups or bad relationships.
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How can you tell someone you love him or her when you cheating on him or her. How can you tell someone that you love him or her when you cant even stand the way him or her treats you.
How can you say that you are in love when you always fight? How can you say that you are in love when you don't have the same goals? He wants to have children and you don't to have children. The relationship is doomed from the start. You are only together because you don't want to be alone. You love the idea of being in love but you are not actually living it. You cant be in love if you are not in love.
The other reason why people fall in love is because people like to be treated nicely. They like to live in a good environment and be with people who know and understand them. In essence love does fulfill this. You can get this kind of environment from your family or friends or strangers but it is not within a time frame. It can end anytime and also family, friends and strangers wont always have time for you. They have their own lives to live. So as much as they love you, they can't guarantee that they will always here for you.
People also have sexual needs and thus they also want to be in an environment where that need, will be met when necessary. Thus, being in love guarantees both of this: the niceness and the sex. Thus a person is free to do whatever he or she wants, knowing that he or she have someone who cares for their person and is always there for him or for her physically, emotionally and sexually. This is the ultimate human desire and every human being seeks to achieve this point of their life (being in love).
Most of the time, this has been achieved through heterosexual relationships and in a few cases, which is now becoming many and common, through same sex relationships.
People in same sex relationships can equally be in love just as much as people in heterosexual relationships.
Because being in love is about assurance. Whoever gives you the assurance is the one you fall in love with. It even makes it easier if you have a lot in common.
A twenty-years old girl can fall in love with a sixty-years old man and vice versa. And it has happened in a lot of cases where people with a big age gap have fallen in love.Anyone can fall in love but not all do it for the right reasons.
2. Wrong reasons
There are a lot of people who fall in love for the wrong reasons and because of this, they can't be in love. Being in love is a wonderful thing and some people just like the idea of it.
But in order to be in love, you have to be in love with someone. And this is where the trouble arises. Because some people love the idea of being in love so much, they end up falling in love with the first person that is a little bit nice to them. They don't take their time to know the person. And even if the person shows signs of hurting them in the future, they ignore the signs. They are more concerned about being with someone, than being with someone who really loves and cares about them. It takes a long time to know a really good person but it only takes a short time to know a bad person. A good person is there but you just don't notice because you are too busy looking everywhere else other than next to you. A bad person is at a far distance, all you have to do is look up and they will come over to you. A lot of people (girls especially) are scared of being alone. Thus they always end up falling for the wrong person because their logic mind is clouded with the desire to be with someone, anybody that shows interest in them. They don't assess the person. All they care about is that he/she doesn't come on to strongly. They don't care about his looks, what he does for a living, his interests and future plans. We are constantly told not to worry about these things; looks, money etc. But if you are going to commit to someone, you will have to do so knowing how, the lack of or having these things will affect your relationship in the future. Most relationships end because people change their minds. For example, they hook up with someone without money and they don't have money either. It seems good at first with all the love and sex but you have to survive as well. And so when the times get tough, they pull out of the relationship. They can't handle having no money and this leads to them to do more worrying and struggling than loving and enjoying life.
I should point out that there are a lot of people who have had successful relationships with only a little bit of money. Money isn't everything to those who can live without it.
In another case, someone would go out with a fairly unattractive person because they don't want to be alone. They ignore the unattractiveness instead of accepting it. The relationship is good at first because of all the adrenaline of being with someone new and the sex offered. Thereafter, the adrenaline goes down and they are forced to look at the person and realize that they can't handle their unattractiveness and start looking for a way out of the relationship. Any quarrel or opportunity to meet someone else is taken as a reason to breakup.
Most relationships are not over, on the day someone says it is over, but weeks, months or years in advance. You were just looking for the perfect time to tell someone and also the embarrassment of not being able to honor your commitment, love puts you off from telling that person until you are discovered of cheating on them, or forced to, out of anger during an argument.
People also fall in love to show off. The love the idea of being in love so much and they don't want to be left out. They want everyone to see that they can be loved as well.
There are the ones who normally talk about their partner and how much they love them, all the time to their friends. There is a difference between being happy and showing off. To them its not just a matter of I have a wonderful partner but, see what he did for me, look at us, observe closely, keep watching, listen. The whole relationship is superficial. It is a show mostly put up for their friends and anyone in close proximity. This is a relationship that doesn't involve planning for the future, sharing ideas, growing together. But its more of being together for everyone to see that you are not alone.
A lot of young girls fall into this. A lot of young guys love to show off too.
People should realize that there is nothing wrong with being single because it gives you time to make yourself a better person for your partner.
A lot of time is spent and wasted looking for the right person instead of making yourself the right person. Instead of looking for Mr. Right, be Ms. Right, and Mr. Right will find you, and vice versa.
If you want something good, you should be willing to offer something good
We live in a world where we spend a lot of time asking what can you give me? rather than asking what will I give you?
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